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About Varied / Hobbyist HolliFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Fading Out - Wayne Norwood
  • Watching: http://www.twitch.tv/waynescraft
I'm trying to figure out just how to put my emotions into words, something for which I've only ever been good at if I hit either extreme. Happy or Sad. 

I don't feel like myself and honestly I can say I haven't for quite some time. I'm not sure what the remedy for this is. Is it to go away and be alone? Is it to just let whatever this haze is pass and quietly battle myself as my whole being tells me nothing will change. 

It doesn't make sense how I can miss you so much but it not seem mutual. How you can say you're afraid of losing me but not fight me to stay when I go to family for a while. 

Watching your interest for other women and what they have to say about whatever more interesting than me trying to start a conversation with you breaks my heart, and more so when they are beautiful specimens - when I myself am now fat blob of who I was when we first began. I gave birth to two boys for you and for myself. I ruined my body to make a family, and maybe it's ruined our passion. 

I can't make love to you right now, not properly. With your eyes closed I feel you're thinking of someone else and so I am put off and the pain starts as my body no longer produces lubrication. I was scared to admit it last time so I told you I needed to pee.

I don't know where we stand and I keep reassuring you we're fine because I don't want you to hurt, but I'm hurting. I don't feel strong. I'm trying though.
  • Mood: dA Love
  • Watching: http://www.twitch.tv/waynescraft
Firstly - I'm sorry I've been away so long. I lost access to my account and with becoming a mother I totally lost myself in a world of vast amounts of plastic and dirty nappies. I recently had another baby whom I will introduce at some point with another letter type of prose. His name is Jordan and he was born the eleventh of October 2014. So he's still pretty much brand new. 

Secondly - I hope to get back to writing more though it's not a promise I can keep, I'm so very busy now and lack the creativity or confidence in what I've written. My brain feels as though it has somewhat been washed away by baby brain (a real thing, I swear) I almost feel as though I'm disappearing into a world where my brain need only to function enough to respond to gargles and cries. 

Thirdly - I thank you all for sticking around. All my followers mean a lot to me as I know how tough it is to gain any in such a community. I hope you will read what I have recently written and give me lots of constructive criticism as I can only improve with your help.

I love you all.
His eyes, they are so beautiful I can hardly tear myself away from looking into them. His sweet cheeky grin which he knows how to use so well to ignite the part of me who wants to throw him around in the air until his laughter fills the room. My first born boy. The one who brought me to life. The one who came with such promise, who has brought out the strength within me to become the person I was always supposed to be. A mother. And a strong willed one a that.

His gold blonde hair cascades over his ears so beautifully and after a restful nights worth of sleep sticks up similar to that of a cat whom has been licked backward by a dog. A small but powerful voice, one which makes my heart swell with joy as I hear his meaningless words. I have yet to discover the wonders of hearing "Mummy I love you" But I look forward to it with glee. Because when he sits with his hands squeezed between his legs and sweetly repeats his poems to me I cannot help but feel complete. A love so innocent so unique. I carried him for nine whole months, how could I possibly resist the love that came with seeing an ultrasound where he was announced as a boy. Oh I cried on the spot, belly bared and smothered in sticky gel I wept. They were not tears of sadness but those of joy. I'd grown surrounded by girls - I yearned for a boy and my wish came true. A boy of my own, a boy to love unconditionally. My family started with you. My first born baby boy.

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Madictation
Holli
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United Kingdom
My name is Holli, and it is really spelt that way, not just to please me.
I live in England, and it is so very dull.

I've recently become a mum, my little boy Jacob-Joseph was born the 26th september, 6 days after I turned 20 and 5 days after his due date. And he is absoloutly gorgeous. My absolute world. I gave birth a year later to Jordan Zachary who was born the 11th of october. My babies mean everything to me.

I'm one for body language. I think sometimes it speaks louder than words, and it may be blasphemy for a writer to say, but I think words can mostly mean nothing.

Please do comment on my writings. I love to know what others think of them.

Anywho - Do leave comments and do give me a shout.
I'm normally friendly.
Interests
  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Fading Out - Wayne Norwood
  • Watching: http://www.twitch.tv/waynescraft
I'm trying to figure out just how to put my emotions into words, something for which I've only ever been good at if I hit either extreme. Happy or Sad. 

I don't feel like myself and honestly I can say I haven't for quite some time. I'm not sure what the remedy for this is. Is it to go away and be alone? Is it to just let whatever this haze is pass and quietly battle myself as my whole being tells me nothing will change. 

It doesn't make sense how I can miss you so much but it not seem mutual. How you can say you're afraid of losing me but not fight me to stay when I go to family for a while. 

Watching your interest for other women and what they have to say about whatever more interesting than me trying to start a conversation with you breaks my heart, and more so when they are beautiful specimens - when I myself am now fat blob of who I was when we first began. I gave birth to two boys for you and for myself. I ruined my body to make a family, and maybe it's ruined our passion. 

I can't make love to you right now, not properly. With your eyes closed I feel you're thinking of someone else and so I am put off and the pain starts as my body no longer produces lubrication. I was scared to admit it last time so I told you I needed to pee.

I don't know where we stand and I keep reassuring you we're fine because I don't want you to hurt, but I'm hurting. I don't feel strong. I'm trying though.

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:iconknighthylian:
KnightHylian Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
happy Birthday !! :airborne: :hungry: :party: :tighthug:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconwojteken:
WoJteKeN Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013
Happy birthday! :la:
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconalex-mg:
alex-mg Featured By Owner May 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you very much for the :iconfavplz:
:hug:
Reply
:iconriphath:
Riphath Featured By Owner May 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:la::+fav:Thanks for the Fav!:+fav::la:
Reply
:icongwangelinhael:
Gwangelinhael Featured By Owner May 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the :+fav:
Reply
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